so. i've not posted in a while. but i wanted to assure everyone i am alive. i had been sick for a while, and extremly under the weather. but i am fine, i am alive. and i am yeah... alive. so if any one missed me, i am sorry.

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately, trying to figure out where to go from this point. i can give up, and admit i have foolishly been following my emotions. or i can still persue my emotions, how ever foolish they may be. i do not know... but even though i do not want to know for sure, maybe i should just find out if my emotions have been foolish...

love.

such a confusing emotion.

alive.

i told you back in february. i had you at check.
you got out of that check. good move. i applaud you. but...
i told you was looking 5 moves a head.

a good chess player always knows his opponents move.
6 months in the making. but i feel it is time for me to once again say.

check.

and this time.
you only have one move.
figure it out. if you can't make it...

checkmate.

hi hi. heh.
ive discovered how little people actually do have hearts.
they claim to. or in some like me, claim not too. but they really do not.
because if you did, have a heart. you would not turn around and break someone elses.

its amusing. they can do certian things TO ME but when its done to them. oh, no then its a bad thing. oh yeah, then its bad. but you can in turn treat ME that way. yeah...

im giving you one last chance.
i will not say what it is.

figure it out for your self.

break my heart once more and you and everything you love, is fucking dead.
i promise you. last chance.

ive said enough. now to sit back and watch the pieces fall into place as they will. ill see you all later...

i am addicted to idolm@ster... >_>
ive spent 2 hours (per day...) at the arcade the last few days...

im even borrowing the xbox 360 version from my boyfriend (who got me into this addiction) just to play at home when i am bored.

im like the only female ive seen in an idolmaster booth at the arcade i go to. but the game is so fun and addicting. ive been using ami and mami the two twins. gotten them pretty good. almost able to use more then 1 idol on a song.

... okay. im going to the arcade. see you all later.

it annoys me to no end. when i get woken up, by someone who wants to ask me questions about something they are freaking out or paranoid or what ever over. they ask me one question. and then stop talking to me.

thank you for waking me up.
fuck you. die in a fire.

yeah. other then that. i just have had no real news to update my lj with. my life is not interesting. i may start to post more again, but for the meantime. i just wanted to rant. later bitches.

all i want to do lately is sleep.
i can not fucking wake up no mater how much i try.

i try to go out and do things. but i end up groggy, and then tired. and then i fall asleep and large chunks of time pass. i just can not wake up for too long lately. i do not know what is wrong with me. *sighs*

i dont wanna keep sleeping but yet i just cant wake up. -_-

what is wrong with me.
what is wrong with the world.

...why have i let my self become so cozied up to humanity...

i never trusted humans before now. why am i suddenly doing it now?
why do i get hurt when that trust is destroyed. i should have expected it...

i tried to warn a human i am quiet fond of, a year ago, about something. who proceeded to laugh it off. like i was making up my vision, like i was trying to do... i do not even know. my vision came to pass a week later and i never spoke of it since.

they want to let their life get ruined. it is human nature. i let my self fall victim to something this human does often. and i let my heart get broken in the process. and like clockwork the human is in the process of doing it yet again. this time though. this time. i am just going to sit back and watch as everything they love falls around them.

fool me once...

humans... they amuse me.
but when did i become so weak as to obtain human emotions...
rubbish... i long for the days when i did not care the whole race like i do... only a few people have proven to be... decent..... the rest of this god forsaken race... are pathetic....

oh well. i will continue to sit by and watch humanity. i will continue to watch those humans i choose to have an interest in. some of them are worth caring about. sooner or later the sleeper is bound to awaken then i can finally be through with this meaningless existence...

just thoughts from my mind.

ja ne

ah. so you got your self out of my first check.
that is fine... i am having fun with our game.
but i am looking 5 moves ahead of your every movement...

sooo... check.
your move. prove me wrong.

even if it is futile.

i've got you at check.
your move...